It has been a year since Bailey graduated from a top Perth PSA school and now freed from the strict routine of upper tier education, he can finally express himself.
Naturally, to express his individuality he does what every other private school footy enthusiast did and grew his hair out with the view of acquiring a faux-mullet.
We spoke to Bailey who said the freshly cut, perfectly curated mullet is already paying dividends, adding,
“We had a tradesman or tradie as they like to be called around to our Western Suburbs mansion. I could tell mum was struggling with his Lynx body spray so I decided to test out my new cut. What a success! We saw eye to eye and spoke man to man”
It was a bold claim and one we had serious reservations about. In the interest of proper journalism we tracked down the tradie and asked him a few questions. We didn’t even need to give him much prompting,
“It’s about that greasy little turd the other day isn’t it? Mate, this silverspoon farkwit kept interrupting the job and saying weird shit like how life is all about a fair day’s work for a fair day’s pay. I almost yoked him but the job was paying well so…”
Sadly, this isn’t how Bailey saw the interaction and the tradie’s forced civility only fuelled his belief he was basically one of the working class.
We caught up with one of Bailey’s old school mates who is under no illusions to what a blueblooded piece of shit he is. You can admire the acceptance. He told The Times,
“You should see him at the OBH, he loves to stand next to the tradies who have knocked off at the bar and groan as he stretches his back. Telling them, rough day on the tools lads. I think they want to assault him, with his student family signet ring on”
Oh Bailey, what are we to do with you.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?