Every year, thousands of shoppers scramble to do their Chrissy shopping which clogs up Karrinyup Road like the drain at a boarding school after an SBS late-night movie in the early 00’s.
Accordingly, The City of Stirling has begun to install delightful quaint open-air toilets along the thoroughfare to ensure its ratepayers don’t have to resort to empty fast food packaging to do their business in while waiting.
A source close to the Council told The Times that there will be a toilet every 20m to accommodate the lengthy queue who can wait up to 10 hours to free themselves from the nightmare. The source added,
“Just think about it. Your average shopper has one maybe two of those mega frappucino bullshit drinks just to get through the shopping experience. If you don’t go before you leave you are in serious trouble”
Indeed. We spoke to a bloke who got caught short last season. He has still not forgiven his wife for dragging him along on that fateful day. He told The Times,
“Have you ever shat in an empty KFC Zinger box next to your children? Well I have. Thanks Karrinyup. I’ll never win their respect back. Never”
Disturbing to say the least.
Critics of the new toilet initiative have said The City of Stirling isn’t going far enough and calls for greater privacy measures on the open air facilities.
However, ratepayers are generally satisfied with the arrangement acknowledging that the entire shopping experience feels like being in a herd of cattle so why not continue to animal vibes afterward.
It’s a fair point. Dignity is earned in this world and if you ruin your entire Saturday in a queue to pick up some bullshit you could’ve bought online then you shouldn’t feel entitled to dignity.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?