RAM has sent a powerful message to its customer base, “YOU TALKED AND WE LISTENED”. Accordingly, RAM has released the first state-of-the-art, ram-powered peen pump that they are discreetly referring to as an “endowment pump” which will be an optional extra in all models.
A spokesperson for RAM told The Times that the device is installed beneath the steering wheel and can be adjusted for chodes of all shapes & sizes. Once in the correct position, the RAM driver can rev themselves larger at will. Adding,
“We’ve had to install a blow-off valve in case the driver doesn’t know when enough is enough. Judging by our customer base that will be just about all of them. We have to limit what they are able to do or we’d have man-sausages popping all over the shop”
We caught up with a RAM driver who said he couldn’t wait for the technology to be installed. Adding,
“I rev a lot and obviously it lets everyone in the vicinity know that I am hung like a fkn elephant but now I can actually back up that inference with Hemi powered dick pump technology. I could use a few inches if I’m honest”
Naturally, RAM has had to consider the fragile egos of its owners and have installed a series of voice prompts. A spokesperson told The Times,
“We used a voice of a typical hot babe and before you commence revving it assures you that your dong is perfect the way it is and RAM is only going to give it more POWER, more GRUNT. It’s an important nuance or we’d probably see our drivers punching their windscreens in small dick rage”
So far, every single new RAM order has opted for the technology. This has prompted RAM to reach out and offer Harley Davidson a licence to use the product on their vehicles. The spokesperson added,
“That’s certainly another customer base we identified as being keen on the product. Of course, they would need to use the term Hemi charged chode in the instruction manual rather than a Harley Dickinson. So we’ll have to see if they can get over that small detail”
Good news for RAM drivers everywhere, we can all agree.
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