A friendship group has found itself at the crossroads with one of their oldest & dearest mates.
Their dilemma is Dan has become a born-again Guinness guy and has developed an inability to stfu about the Irish stout while out and about.
We spoke to one of his better mates who said an intervention is nigh, adding,
“While “Dan never contributed much personality wise but he’d always order the table a bowl of wedges out of the kindness of his heart, you need a bloke like that in your pub circle but lately he just wont stop comparing the quality of Guinness as compared to other pints of Guinness he’s had and Christ almighty, if I have to hear about splitting the G one more time I’m going to snap”
Indeed, it’s hard to imagine a less impressive drinking feat than splitting the G. A sentiment his partner also shares,
“I swear he’s only been ordering Guinness for about a month and he stands their staring at the bartender as they do it. Making sure they know how to pour a pint. I’ll never forget the time he lectured a younger bar chick because he felt she got the level on the initial pour wrong”
We spoke to Dan who unsurprisingly had a pint of Guinness in front of him. He proceeded to split the G before advising us the interview would have to take place elsewhere as the Guinness was awful at the venue.
20 minutes later, he was finally ready to talk
“I bet they have long beer lines. Did you know Guinness is better when there’s a lot more flow? That’s why you have to go to proper Guinness pubs. Life is too short for a bad Guinness, did you know it contains lots of fibre? I drop the best nards after a night on it, it’s medicine”
During the chat, Dan conceded that his friends did find it irritating when he would refuse to go to pubs he didn’t think poured good Guinness.
However, he was less keen to admit that it’s annoying for the person grabbing a round to have to wait around for his precious Guinness to settle before being topped up via a back pour. On average, taking 2 to 3 times longer than a round of Swanny D. He got pretty aggressive over it,
“Maybe while they wait they can reflect on becoming more enlightened beer drinkers themselves. I wouldn’t expect the unwashed masses to understand how to enjoy Guinness and frankly I’d rather not be around them either”
He then began to weep was he described the Guinness he had in Dublin last year. It was a good time to end the interview.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?