Authorities have released a “Red Alert” ahead of Ed Sheeran’s second tour of Perth as the local ranga community are feeling dangerous levels of validation.
Tired of being the butt of workplace jokes, the Perth ranga community is preparing to welcome their ginger Jesus as proof that a gumnut can achieve amazing things. Despite what the cruel Australian population usually says about them.
We spoke to an 8th degree ginger who still occasionally has to remind people that he does, in fact, have a soul. He told The Times,
“Ed is a huge inspiration for us. He’s probably the biggest popstar in the world and he did it all with the affliction of the rednuts. Like to see everyone joke about our hair colour now when that lord is rocking the stage”
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Similarly, the female ranga community, who undoubtedly never had it as tough as the male community is excited. With a local firebrand telling The Times,
“It was wild when Isla Fisher was briefly living here. Amazing things for rangas in Perth. She is an independently successful actress and married Borat. The lowkey dream of all of us”
Accordingly, the WA Government is advising the public to respect the ranga swagger for the next week or risk their wrath. A spokesperson told The Times,
“Your usual ranga jokes might not go down so well when the entire City is creaming themselves over the Crimson King. Please accept their temporary status as superhunks and avoid them if you don’t want to cop a big load of ranga pride”