Western suburbs man Phil has every reason to believe he’s an intelligent man. So he is unable to explain how he voluntarily threw himself into a position of responsibility during the most hectic boating day of the year.
Not only does Phil have to keep a close eye on his own swimmers but must maintain a hawk-like awareness of every cowboy with a recreational skipper’s ticket around him.
We spoke to Phil after he finished giving an almighty spray to an idiot who must’ve got his boat licence in a Weet Bix box. He told The Times,
“Look at this fuckwit! Seriously, mate, what are you doing, are your eyes glued on? Hold up, some pissed up paddler just capsized. Christ almighty, why did I agree to do this again? Where’s my medal? Where’s my fkn number plate”
By all reports, Phil would much prefer to throw himself to the choppy open ocean and swim until his body feels like enjoyed a dry-hump party with the All Blacks. Adding,
“It’s not just the launch or the race, it’s also the fact I’ll have to moor up around these clowns and do it all again tomorrow morning. Although I am giving plenty of thoughts to just leaving my idiot sons on the island. Their idea of helping their old boy is 7 am beers”
An eerie silence then fell over Phil. The look of a man who didn’t need to be disturbed any longer.
Cheers Phil, they couldn’t do it without you.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?