Ageing alpha male and blue-collar flog, Troy, has been extra peppery this morning after hearing the news a tradie will be attending the office to perform some repairs.
While the email stated that staff were welcome to make themselves scarce due to the chance of power tools, Troy took a contrary position. He wasn’t going fkn anywhere.
We spoke to one of Troy’s coworkers who said Troy was already putting on his “deep voice” and had rolled his sleeves up. Adding,
“Troy was sorta camped out near the area that needed attention. As soon as he saw the tradie walk in he started edging closer and in his stupid put-on deep voice said ‘when’s bloody smoko ay’, he’s such a flog”
By all accounts, the tradie did his best to humour Troy as the blue-collar wannabe circled his work gear and started rattling off what he was “working with” at home.
Another witness told The Times that Troy increased his cussing by threefold even though the tradie himself was rather polite. Adding,
“He took a look at the tradie’s socket set and made an unsolicited comment about how he recently upgraded to a Milwaukee set after being so impressed with the Milwaukee impact drill he got to apparently build his own boat trailer”
It was at this point the tradesman knew he had a greenshirt on his hands. Looking Troy up and down and coming to the conclusion that this isn’t the sort of bloke who builds his own boat trailers. A witness described the tragic scene that followed
“The tradie stops his work for a second and asks Troy what fastening torque he was working with. Troy just froze as he clearly had no idea because he doesn’t own an impact drill. He made some lame excuse about a call coming through and came back 5 minutes later to tell him it had a fastening torque of 1354Nm and a nut-busting torque of 1897Nm”
All the tradie had to do was politely nod and say “I reckon a feller like you would need more than that to bust a nut” for Troy to know he’d just been alpha-dogged. This is when Troy descended to new levels of desperation.
Knowing he wasn’t getting the respect he was due from the tradie he went and spoke to one of the younger girls in the office about how the tradie was obviously being paid by the hour because he’d have the job done in about 20 minutes.
The macabre charade didn’t end until the tradesman had left the building and Troy could stop sucking in his gut.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?