So your latest robbery, rampage or narcotic trafficking operation has come under scrutiny from the po-po! They have your phone taps, your usual dwellings surveilled, your associates hounded and now you need a place to lay low. Well, look no further.
Welshpool
Welshpool is an excellent area because no one, including law enforcement, would expect human habitation in this industrial, soulless mess. Your best bet is to shack up in a dodgy mate’s rat-infested warehouse and live off lunch bar fare paid for with cash.
Christ, sounds like a holiday already! Now, what really sets Welshpool apart is its strategic position within the triangle of arterial hell – Leach Highway, Welshpool Road, and Orrong Road – should your spot get blown you’ll have at least 3 hours to make a getaway on foot while authorities deal with the congestion. Yewwww!
Gosnells
Gozzywood is an excellent option for on-the-run fun because of two key factors. Firstly, safety in numbers – you certainly won’t be the only “person of interest” and they can’t execute search warrants on you all, right? They only have so many resources.
Secondly, the suburb often has highly inconvenient mobile reception issues. Well not inconvenient for you! In fact, it is very useful. Imagine being spotted and the snitch can’t get a clear line to the police in time. Giving you plenty of opportunity to fly down Spencer Road on your dirt bike or whatever.
Pickering Brook
If you’re looking to disappear you can’t go past the vast expanse of Pickering Brook. It’s even got a Billabong if you want to try your luck going Waltzing Matilda with it. However, do make sure you hear how that poem ends before fully committing. Also, hands off people’s sheep, you might be stealing someone’s wife up there!
Enjoy the fruits for the orchids as you bide your time before triumphantly returning to Perth when the local constabulary has moved their focus to a bigger fish. More ways to enjoy your stay in the hills HERE.
West Perth
Sometimes the best way to hide is to hide in plain sight. West Perth is such a weird area full of unusual goings-on that it’s practically impossible to be singled out for “acting strangely” – a major reason a lot of young criminals are eventually caught.
You’ll have plenty of escape routes and even a Dan Murphys to make your time laying low a little more bearable. If you lose your bearings in the chaos of West Perth just look for the angelic SciTech dome to guide you back to your hidey hole.
Success
Any good organised crim will tell you that positive thinking is everything. Your vibe attracts your tribe and if you’re a pessimistic sack of shit that tribe will be the law! So imagine Success as not only a place to lay low but a positive affirmation.
Located on the “we don’t talk to cops” belt of the deep south, Success is a fantastic place to get your mind right and enjoy the protections of a slightly anti-authoritatian area of the city. You’ll also have the joys of Cockburn Central to look forward to once you have the nerve to venture a bit further outside your place!
RELATED: 10 Ways To Enjoy a Beautiful Day Out in Thornlie
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?