Xmas is a magical time of the year where we witness the great Perth migration down to the South West. Some are well behaved, most aren’t, get your bingo cards ready:
1. You ruin the flow on beautiful Caves Road either by driving like a narcoleptic sloth or a dual cab proctologist who has no time to lube up that glove finger.
2. You think the brewery’s playground extends to the bar floor for your little crotch goblins.
3. You clog up the right-hand lane of Forrest Highway like an unflushable Boxing Day turd.
4. You become the Satterly of public beaches and create a Cabana shanty town on all the sandy real estate.
5. You think your annual expenditure on a Dunsborough Airbnb gives you some special local status.
6. You confuse popular spots such as The Aquarium as your exclusive set to be an obnoxious “content creator” at.
7. Similarly, you think all that’s missing from the beach is some creep flying a drone over like a giant buzzing mosquito capturing everyone’s undercooked beach bods.
8. You mistake your booking at the Yallingup Caravan Park for a week long DJ residency. If you wanted to pump loud music you should’ve worked harder and afforded a beach house rental, champ.
9. You don’t compliment the Cowtown folk on all their cows. C’mon you monster, it’s all they’ve got.
10. You expect special treatment at wineries because you plan to buy a dozen bottles to put in the back of your 300 series. You massive baller you.
11. You fail to appreciate the wine tasting fee is actually just a farkwit tax for the staff having to deal with your decidedly “Swan Valley” brand of winery behaviour.
12. You learned nothing from the original Bunbury Farmers Market experience and do your bit to make sure Vasse has the same reputation.
13. You jump the queue for the Caves House pool table. Just because you’re middle aged and balding doesn’t mean you get Kelly Slater privileges.
14. Your BCF’ing, all the gear no idea lifestyle keeps emergency services busy.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?