“It must be a trap”, a TransPerth commuter mused as he gazed upon a seemingly functional escalator this morning.
To make matters even more suspicious the escalator in question was located at the Perth CBD traino. A station notorious for giving punters an unwanted glute workout.
We spoke to the man who ultimately decided to take the stairs. He told The Times,
“What are they playing at? The rules of the game are simple, they break the escalators and we complain about them. That’s the status quo and anything outside of that is deeply worrying. Are they trying to farm biodata or something?”
We spoke to TransPerth who called the allegations “nutty” and denied having any underhanded intent by properly serving the escalators. A spokesperson added,
“What are you talking about? It’s the functional escalator month we like to run every year. Just make sure you keep the palm of your hand fully flat on that handrail and don’t move until you hear a beep”
Well that all sounds above board. To investigate the public sentiment we spoke to another punter who had chosen to use the stairs. She told The Times,
“No chance I’m getting on that. TransPerth escalators are either broken or about to break and I don’t want to be on one when the inevitable happens. Have you ever walked up a broken escalator? It’s so unnatural. Why are they so similar yet so different to stairs?”
That’s a very good question and probably something an engineering nerd could bore you for many hours talking about.
In any event, if anyone wanted to enjoy a functional escalator experience they can head down to both Wellington Street and Esplanade trainos until 10:15 am when all escalators are expected to shit themselves.
Happy commuting.