WA Police announce anti-gang task force for Cottesloe after opening of skate park 

It turns out the NIMBYs were correct! With crime bosses all over the world have been discussing plans to expand their operations to Cottesloe, Western Australia. 

During the early stages of the skate park discussion, concerned community members petitioned the Council to reject the plan on the grounds it would attract criminal gangs.

A statement from the WA Police made clear that the increase in highly organised gang activity in the area could only be attributed to the skatepark and Operation Kickflip was sorely needed. Adding,

“Kids are getting recruited straight from Montessori and we hope to disrupt that. If we have to bring in anti-association laws for Cottesloe residents we will”

We spoke to a Cottesloe resident who admitted they were originally supportive of the skate park but after the last few days have reconsidered,

“I really wasn’t expecting as many drive-bys and turfwars, you know? I thought OK maybe some kids will sell some of their ADHD medication but yeah, now I feel like I can’t even walk to the beach without walking in the spill of a 40 some homeboy has poured out”

Both ASIO and the Federal Police have praised the thinking by WA Police saying they are dealing with an influx of criminals they have never experienced before. 

A spokesperson for the AFP told The Times,

“Cottesloe really is the new Sinaloa. Everyone is sending their foot soldiers in droves to our shores and Border Force is swamped at the moment”

We spoke to a member of the North Street Crips who told The Times that growing up in an L.A Ghetto hadn’t prepared him for the streets of Cottesloe. Adding,

“It’s real out here. To think some residents tried to warn you what would happen. Great customers too, I’ve never sold more bags of the white stuff than before”

They tried to warn us.