The Westralian Government has acted swiftly after both footy teams brought the great state into disrepute on the weekend.
Flagmantle cacked the proverbial bedsheets in Geelong to the tune of 78 points while the Eagles ‘effed the proverbial chook to the tune of 87 points here in Perth.
Westralia released the following exclusive statement to The Times,
“We have no choice but to shut the borders to prevent our teams leaving or other, superior teams, entering, at least until we work out what’s going on. We cannot sustain any more harm to our reputation especially given how hard this has made the VFL and its commentatorati”
Under the new measures, no one will be able to enter to leave WA without demonstrating either a “sound ability for defensive pressure”, an “ability to get the pill” or most importantly, “slot one through the big sticks”.
For all intents and purposes, this will effectively mean WA may not be participating in the rest of the AFL season. Although, The Westralian Government is apparently considering unconditional approval for the free passage of Port Adelaide. For obvious reasons.
Could WA footy receive help from outside the AFL teams? Well, we spoke to a reserves player who said his patented squirrel grip has made him one of the most feared defenders in the regional footy circuit. He told The Times,
“This is my shot. No one can score on me cos I grab their nuts ha ha, they call me Touk 2.0 up North ay, I reckon a bunch of us lads could put on a better show, so we’ll be applying for permission to leave”
Good luck brave souls.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?