Woolworths has got into the Xmas spirit by gifting its employees a little something-something that will let them know they are thinking about them over the holiday season.
The Woolworths branded ankle monitors will enable executives to not just monitor their employees at work but also during their social lives.
A spokesperson for Woolworths told The Times,
“We call them ankle monitors but they are so much more. They also have in built mics and all employees are expected to sing the praises of their overlord company at least 20 times per week while off duty. Should they fail to meet this quota they will be performance managed”
We spoke to a Woolworths employee who said the ankle monitor was a bit intrusive but at least it wasn’t as bad as the first proposed gift, adding,
“Originally they said they were going to set up every employee with surveillance cameras in our homes. They told us it was for our safety but they were going to be placed inside not outside. So I think this ankle monitor is a nice compromise. At least it’s not a crappy water bottle ha ha”
Another employee was far more grateful. Adding that his greatest nightmare was having too much fun with his friends and being somehow unable to work, adding,
“I underwent this induction, well they called it an induction but I think it was a re-education camp after I queried whether it was legal to keep a log of how long I spent in the toilet each day. Now I understand Woolworths cares for me, Woolworths is life”
Well certainly nothing to be alarmed about there.
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